You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
