Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
