im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
