My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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