I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
