if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
