fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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