I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
