your thong is hanging out like whoa
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
