I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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