I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
