Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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