i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
