I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
