i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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