Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Randomize
