He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
