I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
