Porn is love you can see.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
