good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
