Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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