READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
