I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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