he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
