how can u be prego again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
