Umm I'm too high to move.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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