Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
