Umm I'm too high to move.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
