i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
