$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
