I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
