Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
