arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
