When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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