That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
