I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
