Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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