woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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