There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
