i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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