Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
