Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
