Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
