is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
