she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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