Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
