I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
