you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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