the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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