Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
